Saturday, June 5, 2010

What not to do??

Bhai-log, over the years I hv accumulated a lot of gyaan.... It is time i shared it. Most of these are personal experiences and others, tragedies my frnds hv faced (whom i still laugh at :P). Anyways here goes...

1. If a guy stares at you in a public place and smiles as soon as you look back, there is a good probability he is gay and you unknowingly have hit a hidden sensor.

2. Women will smile at you if they know you or they think they know you... It does not mean she likes you or is available (You can forget this, if the girl is HOT :P)

3. If someone threatens you by saying "Mein Arif ka bhai hun..." (English Translation: "I am Arif's younger brother")
Never say "Kaun Arif? Main usse nahi darta" (ET: "Arif?? I am not scared of him")

4. Never fight with a street side vendor over a bad trade (no matter how weak he looks). Remember the other vendors will join him.

5. Just bcoz u cant smell it, does not mean others cannot. Same applies for sound.

6. In the rare event that an absolutely hot chick shows some interest in you... Don't try to impress her with PJ's

7. When girls say that they will do whatever you want... They usually don't mean it ;)

8. If someone questions your existence and what proof resides to prove it... Don't show them your Facebook page

9. Don't lengthen posts to reach 10 points :P

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Err.. I am not a cheat...

I wont ditch you baby... I seriously wont. You are on my mind all the time, just that i have been caught up with work and Yeah my boss is killing me... but i will survive and as soon as i get time, i will come back and i will BLOG... Just wait for me... ;)

In the meantime I have been tagged by some of my frnds and I am yet to complete any :(

This one is simpler though, Madhu has given me a picture to put on my blog and i shall do it now. Till then Adios!!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Interview #Fail

Interview week at a leading IIT produced a few gems.

Scene 1:
Interviewing a hot girl, who sadly sucked at anything slightly technical.
Co-Interviewer (out of more simpler questions to ask): So you want to ask us something?
HG: I did not do well in the tech rounds. So if you pick me, will i be able to cope up?
Me: Yeah, Dont worry. There are many guys who will be interested in helping you.
(Co-interviewer stunned. HG does not realize what i said. I suddenly realize what i just said and try to keep a straight face :D)

Scene 2:
Me: So you want to tell us something about yourself?
Smart Guy 1: I hate Bengalis. I just cannot stand them. I hope there are none in my team.
Rejected :)

Scene 3:
Smart Guy 2 who has a twin brother in the same class, who happens to score more than him.
Me: So you want to tell us something about yourself?
Smart Guy 2: I hate my brother. Everyone says he is smarter than me, but i know i am better.

Scene 4:
Overheard from the HR of a very big software services firm from Bangalore, interviewing a Hot girl.
HR: So you have a Boy friend? Will you continue with your relation if we give you an offer in Bangalore?

Scene 5:
Talking to a HOD, about some lost document.
Me: A few of the original documents were attached to the duplicates by mistake. Can you please check.
HOD: Hmmmm So your originals were in hard copy or soft copy?
Me: #$$%$#@@

Sunday, March 21, 2010


We had an intern who was a student of a reputed city college. He was given a project to monitor the resource usage of all systems in our lab. Considering we have multiple architectures and monitoring requirements, this was a fairly complex project. As part of his analysis, he was required to install a few software libraries on our lab machines and considering the number of machines, it would require atleast 1 day. It was decided he would do it on the weekends and all teams will provide him with unrestricted access on that weekend.

Plan agreed, this guys walks in on the weekend and sees Team A busy working. There is a serious production issue and this guy's work is delayed.

Date changes to next week.

This guy walks in again to find Team B busy with their systems. Again its a serious issue and our guy has to walk back.

Week 3: On Friday at 5, we receive this email.
"I am doing ABC software release tomorrow. As stated earlier, I will need unrestricted access to all lab systems. If I see anyone working on the lab systems tomorrow, I will deal with you outside XXX(firm name)"

He was fired on Friday itself :)

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy V-day

I am very happy today... No its not coz its V-day and i have a date :( This year like every year, I am sitting at home and maybe will go out in d evening with my equally lukha friends. But i am happy for a different reason... The girl who has followed me for 6 years has finally got to her senses and is getting married :D

Let me go on a long flashback....

First year of college and my friend Ameya, has a big time crush on a girl Miss P. But as is the case with most normal guys, he cant get any way close to impress her.

It is event night and all of us are waiting for the fashion show... which has the hunks/chicks from our class participating. Miss G, P's friend, receives a call from her father "What are you doing out so late? If you dont get back home in an hour, stay out"

She starts crying and as P stays close to G's place, she decides to go as well. Now these girls stay far off from our college, so traveling alone late night is not advisable. Obviously Ameya volunteers to help and he asks me to join in. As a loyal wingman, I agree (although i wanted to watch the chicks on stage, I sacrifice). Then it was the routine, we escorted the girls home and went back home, thinking all long, that our boy Ameya has nailed it.

Knight in armor
Next day, we walk into college and my best friend Miss R, walks up to me and tells me P's got a big crush on me. She supposedly felt i was the Knight who rescued her..Hah. This shocks me and shatters Ameya's world. How could his wingman steal his thunder? I am puzzled and not excited, she was never my type :(

Over the next 3 years of college, she tried everything she could to impress me, which includes:
- Picking up a fight with my best friend R, accusing her of being responsible for us not being together.
- Sitting in a Giant Wheel with me, when she is scared of heights and then crying :(
(And she planned to get flowers for me the next day, thinking I was embarrassed. Bless R for shooting it down)
- Learning my native language

After all this and numerous smaller attempts over 3 years, college was over and I was free. She moved to a different city and I never met her again. But then distance does not help. She dug out my mobile number and made sure she sent an SMS on any big occasion. The usual senti forwards continued.

Every year on V-Day she would message me and ask me my marriage plans. Every year I would ignore it. This year she messaged me again... but she told me she had found someone who loved her too :) Now they are planning to get married in May. I am happy for them and most importantly for myself.

Good luck to you Miss P and have a Happy married life :)

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Happy Valentine Day

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

They live amongst us...

If you have read the email chain, they live amongst us... I have 2 conversations today which fit into it.

On my way back from work with a friend, passing through Dadar.

A: So this area is named 5 gardens...huh but the garden is such bad shape... (its a cricket field)
Me: Dude, 5 gardens!! Look around... there are FIVE gardens

A lil closer home...
Me 2 cabbie: Aage se right lena...signal avoid hoga
Frnd: Hey why this road?
Me: This is a shortcut to our destination
Frnd: So why are we taking it?

Saturday, January 2, 2010


Scene 1:
At the local Shiva temple today, a 4-year old came face to face with a statue of Nandi (Bull). After staring at the statue for 5 minutes, he made some courage and touched the bull on the nose. He then ran back a few steps and stood scared looking at the bull, expecting it to follow him.

After 2 mins, he again approached the bull from the side, touched it and ran away. This continued for the next 10 mins, till his mother pulled him away. Evidently he was a little too slow to realize it was a statue :)

Scene 2:
On my way back home, saw my neighbors kid on the roof of a car. As I stared at him from a distance, he got down and stood silently at the side. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Kyun chade the upar? Gir jate to?
Kid: Bhaiya wo car aapki hai?
Me: Nahi
Kid: To aap kyun poochte ho

Me: Stunned :(

Scene 3:

On the way up the stairs, one 5-year old to another, “Hey kal chutti hai na. Thank God!!!”. And to say we grown ups are frustrated :D